My heart is broken

It was Friday around 6pm, and Maya was jumping on Eddie; Eddie started hissing, and I told him, “be nice to your sister!” He looked at me and complained by meowing; he kept looking at me; I could barely see his eyes just above the coffee table, and I said, “do you want to go outside?” He ran to the door. I let him and Dusty out; as usual, Dusty scratched on the door a few minutes later. It was still light out, and my fiancé and I  decided to go to dinner at a nearby Pho place we hadn’t tried yet. On our way out and while getting in the car, I looked at my iPhone and saw some messages from my brother; he had finally sent his measurements for his tux. I asked my fiancé if we could go to Men’s Wearhouse after dinner. We did, and I had a craving for froyo, so we also stopped for some on the way home. We had been hanging out in the living room, and around 10pm, I looked over to the patio door (where Eddie had shown up when he’d want to be let in), and remembered I’d let Eddie out earlier. My memory is still really bad these days, and it didn’t help that Eddie had lost his collar with his GPS tracker the week before.  We had decided, after searching for the GPS tracker (it kept saying it couldn’t be located) near the house, that since he always stuck around the same area, maybe we didn’t need to get him a replacement. The GPS tracker service always texted me when he was out of the home zone and when he got close to the house. Without it, it was so easy for me to forget that he was outside. That night, I asked my fiancé if we had let him in, and he said that he didn’t know he’d been let out.

I started looking for him inside the house, my fiancé went straight to my office, and he complained that he had stepped on something wet. We weren’t sure what it was at first, there was a mini yellow puddle on the floor, too small to be urine, but it looked like Dusty’s medication which he may have thrown up after we had given it to him moments earlier. I went back to the kitchen to grab wipes, and as I reached under the sink, I saw my phone was lit up. There was a missed call and a voicemail. As I picked up my phone to see who had called, my fiancé said that my computer phone was ringing. I was thinking it was FaceTime, but when I walked over, it was my Windows work machine; I had left my VoIP phone on. I thought it was odd, but I figured I should check the voicemail. It was odd to see a 512 number calling at 10pm.

The lady on the voicemail said that they were calling from an emergency animal hospital and asked me to call as soon as possible, so I did.  The lady on the phone told me that they thought they had Edwin; “a gentleman  brought him in” and she paused, immediately I thought that maybe it was because he didn’t have his collar on, and I thought that it must’ve been really hard to get him in there. He fought hard whenever anyone picked him up, and I thought about putting a carrier in my car to bring him home. She continued and said that he had been attacked by dogs, and that he hadn’t made it. I was in disbelief, and my fiancé asked me what happened, and I couldn’t say anything; I passed him the phone. I broke down, and I started crying. After he had hung up,  I texted my sister who then called me. After I got off the phone with her, we had a decision to make about his body. I didn’t know what to do. I was in shock. After thinking of our options, I decided to have him cremated and get his ashes back. My fiancé went to the animal hospital to fill out paperwork. I couldn’t bring myself to go or to see him.

In March 2010, my cousin’s cat had a litter of kittens, and I fell in love with Eddie when he was tiny. I wasn’t in the market for a second cat. I was crazy about Dusty, but he was still sad after our move from Boston and his separation from my roommate’s cat. I thought he needed a buddy to get him out of his funk, so I agreed to take the orange kitten with the blue eyes.

baby-eddie

Before I took him home

Dusty was scared of him when I brought him home, but eventually, he began to tolerate him, and eventually he would show him he shouldn’t be messed with. Before I got Eddie,  I had told my mom and I wasn’t sure if I could love another cat like I loved Dusty, but Eddie was just adorable that it made him so easy to love.

eddiemac

Eddie is a Mac

When he was younger, he was  always eating and trying to find food. He loved to eat just about anything and he’d even steal butter from the kitchen. If I left the fridge door open for a minute, he’d be in there trying to see if there was any fish or chicken.

Jackpot: a plate with chicken!

Jackpot: a plate with chicken!

 

From the beginning, Eddie wasn’t scared of anything; he thought he ruled the place. I would call him the Lion King. He wasn’t afraid of heights (he jumped down from a 3rd floor apartment balcony), and chased a bee even after the bee stung him. He wasn’t scared of dogs and would often jump into our old neighbour’s backyard and they had 2 dogs.

lion

I’m sure this is what he saw

However, he had a soft spot for girl kittens. That was something we took into consideration when we got Maya.. we wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to bully her. This is him with my cousin’s kitten three years ago.

kittylove

Yup.. he was nursing a kitten who had lost her mom too soon

Yup.. he was trying to nurse a kitten who had lost her mom too soon

I loved his attitude; he complained when I sneezed and when my fiancé would tell him what to do. He thought he was the alpha male of the house, and he didn’t like it when he was shown otherwise. He didn’t like to be picked up, but he would let me give him quick hugs so long as his feet were planted on the ground. He liked for us to scratch his neck, and sometimes if I was lucky, he’d let me pet him for a bit.

He wasn't a big fan of the camera

He wasn’t a big fan of the camera

He was smart and was always exploring. He showed Dusty how to be a real cat; I’m not saying Dusty isn’t a real cat, but Eddie showed him how to run like a cheetah as opposed to Dusty’s version of running which was more like walking quickly, and that when “hunting,” you would put your “kill” (toys) in your mouth to carry them. He kept getting out of the backyard, so I had to get him a GPS tracker so I could see where he was. “Hunting” is still not Dusty’s strong suit; it’s funny to see him stuffing the toys in his mouth with his paws.

He didn't understand why I refused to let him in with a dead bird (even if he hadn't killed the bird himself)

He didn’t understand why I refused to let him in with a dead bird (even if he hadn’t killed the bird himself)

Whenever we’d have people over, Eddie would be all confident and he would let my friend’s dogs know that it was his house by having staring contests with them. Dusty would be hiding, and Eddie would be sitting in the middle of the living room despite all the “strangers.”

He was smart and figured out how to open the doors in our old house. The door knobs were actually handles, and he was tall enough to reach them. It was just a matter of time before he started opening the closet door and trying to open our bedroom door. After he learned, there was no point in closing the door anymore because he didn’t understand if a door was locked, he just kept jiggling it.

He would keep me company when I was working from home and would sometimes share his spot with his sister.  I recently moved their cat tower to my office since they spent a lot of time there. No matter how annoyed he was that Dusty or Maya was on the top level of the tower, he would never fight them for the spot.

Being a good big brother

Being a good big brother

I always thought that Dusty would be the first one to go. He’s older, was the runt of the litter, and he’s had a lot of issues (one of these days I’ll post about his puffy paw pads– that’s what he’s currently taking medication for), and he’s a scaredy cat; always stressed out… Eddie was always so tough I called him a man cat. I’m still in disbelief that he’s no longer with us.

There are so many unknowns: I don’t know exactly what happened to him, who took him into the animal hospital… I can’t help but wonder if he jumped into someone’s backyard with dogs or if he was attacked by a coyotes.  I don’t think that’s going to make me feel any better. I’m so thankful that the man took him in (even if it were his dogs who attacked him) so I wouldn’t be worried that night , and then looking for him on Saturday morning. I’m afraid that I would’ve gone a while without knowing where he was, or worse yet, finding his body with the wounds.

Each day has been getting better, but I know it will take a long time for my heart to heal…

mr fancy

We miss you so much, buddy. I hope you get lots of catnip, chicken, and tilapia up in kitty heaven. Love you.

 

I feel awful – a Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis Update

For the last 3 weeks, I haven’t had much energy at all. Most nights, I’ve gotten 8 hours of sleep, and on some days, I must take a nap in order for me to be able to carry on with my day. I have an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. My last 2 lab tests have shown that I am hyperthyroid, and with a little more weight loss, I’m sure I’ve gotten worse. Hyper symptoms for me are about the same  as being hypo. My symptoms usually include exhaustion and brain fog.

When I am so exhausted that I feel like I cannot get out of bed, it brings me back to before I was diagnosed; back then, I had no idea why I could stay in bed the whole day, and still felt lethargic.

On Saturday morning, my alarm went off at 5:30am for my long run. As I was getting dressed, my throat was a little achy, and my stomach was upset. I texted Alicia to let her know I would not be joining her, and went back to sleep. When I woke up the second time, my throat didn’t hurt, but I still felt crappy, so I cancelled my trip to Houston. I was so disappointed, but a 3 hour drive would put me to sleep, and if it was a cold brewing, my cousins would not appreciate me spreading the germs!

The weekend consisted of me mostly hanging out on the couch, playing Donkey Kong, watching Investigation Discovery, and just getting some rest. I felt more energized in the evenings, so my fiance asked if I wanted to go out for dinner on Sunday night. We did, and it was great, but I was still falling asleep at 8pm

When I woke up this morning after 8 hours of sleep, I could not get moving. I still made it to my appointment with my dietitian/trainer before work, and she told me that my balance was way off (I felt it too). After my session, I felt so jittery and anxious, something I hadn’t felt in the last 3 weeks. I mentioned it to her, and we talked about when my next appointment with the endocrinologist is (it’s April 3rd), and she urged me to get my blood work done tomorrow morning instead of waiting another 2 weeks. We both suspect I’m hyper.

I’m going to get up early tomorrow so I can go to the lab when they open; I can’t take this any longer.

WIAW #44 – New find

Every week, I tell myself that I’m going to blog outside of WIAW, yet every Tuesday, I find myself surprised that another week has gone by! Once the wedding and honeymoon are behind us, I’ll have a lot more time to blog!

Since it is Wednesday, it’s time to party!! Thanks to Jenn from Peas and Crayons for this link party :)

WIAW

 Yesterday morning, I went to work out with my RD/Trainer, and we had a legs and core day. Once I got home, I had breakfast: a small banana and gluten-free oatmeal (made with skim milk) and pecans.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with pecans, and a bananaFor lunch, I had some tuna salad wraps; the tuna salad was made with Greek yogurt, chopped apple, and lemon juice. I also had sugar snap peas with hummus and the rest of the apple.

Lunch: tuna salad wrap, apple, sugar snap peas and hummusIn the afternoon, I was craving something sweet, so I had some chocolate chips and pecan pieces (not pictured).

To prepare for dinner, I stopped by Costco to pick up some salmon, and I saw some frozen quinoa and kale and thought I should give it a try.

Quinoa and Kale

The salmon went in the oven, and when there were 5 minutes remaining on the timer, I popped a bag of the quinoa and kale in the microwave, put water to boil to steam some broccoli. Once everything was ready, we were about to sit down for dinner when someone decided she wanted to sit on my fiancé’s chair.

Princess Maya at the table

I hope she stays this little!!

My fiancé who’s not a big fan of vegetables LOVED the quinoa and kale. Overall, this meal was delicious!

Dinner: salmon, quinoa and kale, and broccoli

 What is your favourite find from Costco?

I love Namaste flour blend, but I haven’t gotten to use that much lately (I promised to refrain from baking until after the wedding), so my other find is the salmon.

WIAW #43 – Struggles

Hello, there! I hope your week has been going well thus far… mine’s been pretty busy. I’m reorganizing my office, so when I’m not working, I’m working on that or the wedding while watching “How I Met Your Mother.” I finally caught up to season 9, but to watch the current season from the beginning, I’d have to pay $49.99 for the season subscription on iTunes. Nope. Not going to happen. I’m going to have to wait until it comes out on Netflix!

Anyhooo since it is Wednesday, it’s time for another edition of WIAW–a wonderful party hosted by Jenn from Peas and Crayons.

Yesterday started off with some a winter warning; there was ice on the ground. There were some delayed starts, but they didn’t apply to me (I was going to work from home) nor my fiancé (he had to go into work at his usual time). For breakfast, I decided on Chobani coconut-blended yogurt with papaya, Udi’s GF granola, and almonds.

Breakfast: Coconut Chobani with papaya, Udi's gluten-free granola, and slivered almonds

Little Miss Maya was hanging around on my crafts table shortly after I took that photo. She is just over a year old, but she’s still got such a baby face.

maya

Last night, we had spaghetti and meat sauce for dinner, but I didn’t have any spaghetti left over. When it came time for lunch, I had to wait until after a noon call to get myself in the kitchen to prep lunch. This proved to be disastrous.. I snacked on a couple of All But Gluten chocolate chip cookies. Once the pasta was cooked, I heated the meat sauce and some frozen grilled bell peppers, and mixed it all together, and topped with some parmesan.

Lunch: ziti with meat sauce and vegetablesIn the afternoon, I was going to take photos of the cookies since I did have them before lunch, and instead of putting them back in the bag, I had them as well. They weren’t even that good!

Cookies and milkI’m so not looking forward to telling my dietitian/personal trainer this morning. I’ve been struggling to keep it clean since the weekend, but I feel like I’m so burned out from just eating healthy and not being able to just eat some things. Perhaps I should’ve just taken a break and given myself permission to have a day or two off, and then I wouldn’t have felt so guilty. Anyway, I’m sure she’ll kick my butt!

For dinner, we had Butter Chicken from Clean Eating magazine scheduled.

dinner-butter-chicken

I was really excited because it was so fragrant with the curry, turmeric root, and Garam Masala, but it was pretty bland; we were so disappointing. I knew it wasn’t going to be too strong, but I was afraid to add the spices afterwards. I’m not sure if it’s the spices (perhaps I shouldn’t be getting them from the bulk section), or if I just needed to double them (which is what I usually do with Clean Eating recipes). Any advice?

How do you get yourself back on track?

Lately, after a good verbal spanking from my dietitian, I’ve been able to stay clean, but I reminded myself today that even though the scale isn’t moving, I’m still making improvements with my clothing and TRX.

 

 

 

WIAW #42 – Veggie Love

Welcome to another WIAWTuesday! Thanks to Jenn from Peas & Crayons for hosting the link party.

My Tuesday started off with a 45 minute run and a shower. After feeding the cats, I made breakfast. Of course I wanted yogurt with papaya, but running + dairy do not mix for me. I am only sensitive to dairy after I run. Instead, I opted for some eggs with spinach, and black beans topped with salsa, and a bowl of raspberries.

breakfast-eggs-blackbeans-raspberriesThis kept me full for quite some time, so when lunch time came, I wasn’t very hungry. However, Alicia and I had an appointment with the florist for the wedding, so I had to eat something. My plan was to have yogurt and when I got hungry a couple of hours later, I could have last night’s leftovers.

yogurt with banana, granola, and cashews

 

Four p.m. came around and I was just a little hungry, so I had a snack instead of a full-sized lunch. My fiancé and I went grocery shopping yesterday, and I got some new hummus that I wanted to try out. It was a little spicy but good :)

carrots and hummusWhen it was time to make dinner, I realized that I’d forgot to go to some Mexican markets to find dried ancho chiles for last night’s dinner. My fiancé said he would just make himself some ham and cheese sandwiches, and I said I would have Monday night’s tilapia that was left over. Plain tilapia didn’t appeal to me yesterday, so I opted for simple fish tacos instead.

tilapia tacos and green beansI cut up the tilapia, put it in a bowl with some avocado and lime juice and mixed them all together. I split the mixture into two tortillas and topped it with salsa. Steamed green beans with lime juice butter rounded out my dinner. It was delicious and super quick to make.

I hope you enjoyed my eats!

Do you have any food intolerances that only affect you at certain times?

As I mentioned, my body can’t handle dairy after a run.

 

 

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